Joy: Four Lines

Today started out great! The high school didn't have classes because of the Memorial Day Weekend, so I was able to sleep in until 7:30, which was WONDERFUL! :) Then, Gina, our CMC director, called sharing some great news. It's always so comforting to hear her voice and laugh together-- even when I'm half awake and don't know which way is up-- she's so patient with me and my slow processing in the morning! :) 

Then it was a day of packing for Michelle. Sr. Mary Lou Andes who lives two blocks away has been wanting to visit Sr. Christine Marie (who lives at Cabrini College in Philly), and so Sr. Mary Lou offered to take me with her so I could drive down my things to Philadelphia before the start of the school year.  And, I'll be spending time with Mary Beth Harris, a wonderful friend and fellow writing center tutor from Saint Mary's, who now also goes to Villanova and lives in the area-- can't wait! Our Road Trip will be tomorrow at 9:30am! I promised to bring double-chocolate chip cookies, which I just finished baking with assistance from Crystal and Sr. Pat in the moral support department. ;) 

But back to this morning: I had breakfast with Mary and then she left for Wisconsin, where she will be for the weekend, celebrating at friend's wedding ceremony. Crystal was gone when I got up, going to spend the day with a friend of hers. So that left me to face my room with the will to de-clutter, sort, pack, and tape to my heart's content... or discontent, as it soon would become.

The entire process was pretty emotional-- as I sorted clothes and the multitude of books (how did I acquire so many books within 10 months?!) into "keep," "donate to the high school," and "Goodwill" piles, I just got incredibly sad and heavyhearted. I took down all of the photos and cards that had been taped on the walls. I'm keeping about two weeks worth of clothes with me, but-- all but one drawer are empty, and my closet looks sparse. Visual reminders that this last month will pass all too quickly. As Mary calls it in her blog, it's pre-Separation Anxiety. I've struggled at many times to be present and not anticipate the course of future events, and I'm still working on it.

The most time consuming part has been the papers. I get very attached to my notes from workshops and retreats, prayer flyers, notes and letters from friends and family, and the handouts with the Order of Worship from the 5pm St. Francis Masses... that they just pile up in my living space.  I had piles upon piles of papers to sort, recycle, shred, or give away, and to be honest, I'm not finished with this part yet, and it's 11:45pm!  Needless to say, I've been tackling this portion of the packing in shifts with multiple breaks. :) Grad school pamphlets? Into the "TO RECYCLE" box.  Old applications and essays with personal information? Into the "TO SHRED" bin.  I even found a "To Do" list from September, Holy Cards from Sr. Angie, lists of vitamins to take from my mom, literature from the adult education classes I took at St. Francis, study guides for my Liturgy students, notes of encouragement and thanks, an overabundance of statements from Chase Bank, and post-its with titles of books to read whenever I got the chance.  AND, I even unearthed my original application to Cabrini Mission Corps dated November 2007. Awesome! I think what is so time consuming about the papers is that I feel compelled to read each handout... and when I do, all the emotions surrounding the event come flooding back. Then the nervousness for when Crystal, Mary, and I part ways began to set in... a visual of how I felt is necessary at this time:

*

Eek!

But then in the midst of packing, organizing, and taping boxes, -- just as my heart was beating irregularly and I felt like I needed to eat a ton of something soothing to calm down-- I had a moment...  Just as I was getting discouraged because I realized how soon June 23rd is (on that day, Crys will make her way back to California)... I came across a paper that was given to us on a retreat led by Julie Lupien from the organization, From Mission to Mission.

The green 8x10 paper with a simple graphic of a circle in the background read in a calm and informal font: 

Look back and thank God

Look forward and trust God

Look around and see God

Look within and find God

Then I remembered that my fruit of the Holy Spirit that I had been given a few days ago during prayer with the community (see this blog entry) was Peace.  In those words on the mint green paper, I found the Holy Spirit breathing her encouragement and love directly to my soul.  A gentle breeze came in through my window and rustled the paper, as if it were carrying the words, "See how God has guided you in the past? History repeats itself-- We're not going anywhere. So relax and know that we're going to take care of you, Mary and Crys, even though you won't be under the same roof."  

The funny thing is, I don't even recall if the paper was given to me this year or last year-- in any case, I found the voice of God in these four lines today. Thanks, Holy Spirit. I think I'm slowly getting the picture. Thanks for not giving up on me. :)

*And thanks to Julie for the handout, as well to www.eastendhypnosis.com for their most appropriate graphic of the frightened turtle above.*

Joy: Wisdom from The Archangel

One fabulous member of our community is named Sr. Archangel. She is wonderful. One of a kind, she will speak her mind, has the greatest one-liners, always wears a pin of the Sacred Heart or Mary, gets up at 3am to have her ritual coffee and do laundry, and always makes sure the CMC's (or as she calls us, "the girls") are eating and safe. :) Here she is pictured third from the right in the dark jacket. :) (And thanks again to Mary for the picture!)

Today she and I had a talk around the kitchen table. After my 7:45am bike ride, I returned home to find Archangel in the kitchen. Our conversation went something like this, after I not-so-gracefully plopped down across from her:

Me: "ARCHANGEL!!! Good morning! I have a question for you."
Archangel: (pretending to be grumpy) "What do you want?"
Me: "Well, what is the meaning of life?"
Archangel: (looking up from her newspaper) "That's your question?"
Me: "No, there's another, but this one first."
Archangel: "The meaning of life is to be good, kind, and love one another. We are made in the image and likeness of God-- you know that! So we need to be good, kind, and love one another. Sometimes we don't do our best, but that's the human-ness. But that's just my opinion...Big deal."

Well stated, and there you have it-- straight from the mouth of an angel. Short, sweet, direct, and true. I'm really going to miss her next year.


After that, I asked the real question I had, which was if she could lead prayer on Monday. Crystal and I (who usually share Monday's community prayer) will be taking students to the Chapel of Mother Elizabeth Ann Seton after school and aren't sure if we'll be back in time. When this happens to anyone who leads prayer that night, we just ask someone to switch with us. After popping the question to Sr. Archangel, she replied, "Of course! And while you're down there in Battery Park, you can go to the McDonald's by there. The girls will like that." :) Always looking out for us, that Archangel. :)

Joy: The Surprise Gifts and Fruits of the H.S.

 Today at school, I felt off somehow. I'm sure it was a mixture of an irregular sleeping pattern this week, a heavy heart from something a student had shared with me, the anxious attitude of the juniors and seniors, and a schedule of an assembly and faculty meetings. Then there was a misunderstanding and lack of communication where I was at fault. Needless to say, it wasn't the best day at the mission site. Feeling defeated and needing some serious physical and emotional sunshine, I left school to sit in Central Park to absorb the sun for a while.  I read a book that my spiritual director recommended, Living Creatively by Fr. Adrian Van Kaam (some may recognize his name from Spirituality/Psychology circles and from his mission to smuggle food to Jews during the Nazi occupation in Europe). I also read the first few chapters from a book that Jenny passed on to me, The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacob. It's a story about women who form a community of knitters on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and how they come to share in the lives of one another every Friday night. Then I headed back home, made a run by Goodwill, and ate dinner with the community, Sr. Pat (who moved out to the Shrine in Colorado earlier in the year and is visiting for the next few weeks), and Andrea (a close friend of Mary's and a wonderful person!).

Tonight at prayer, Sr. Toni introduced us to a tradition from her former community.  The week before Pentecost, her community would give out cards with the Gifts and Fruits of the Holy Spirit to think about, pray about, and focus on in the upcoming weeks. After a prayer service that focused on the invocation and presence of the Holy Spirit, she shared some cards that were made by Sr. Catherine. Each card had a Gift of the Holy Spirit, description of that gift, and a Fruit of the HS.

My card reads:

GIFT: UNDERSTANDING            FRUIT: PEACE

 "Understanding is the second gift of the Holy Spirit, and people sometimes have a hard time understanding (no pun intended) how it differs from wisdom.  While wisdom is the desire to contemplate the things of God, understanding allows us to grasp, at least in a limited way, the very essence of the truths of the Catholic Faith.  Through understanding, we gain a certitude about our beliefs that move beyond faith."

So Surprise! I definitely need PEACE, so I appreciate that, but I must say that I am one of those people who has a hard time distinguishing the difference between understanding and wisdom.  I look forward to witnessing how understanding is a conviction beyond faith. Stay tuned!


In other news of the spreading of Joy, I found this online, and absolutely love it! It's a performance of University of Oregon's "On The Rocks" acappella group when they spread the love on NYC's A-TRAIN (how Crystal and I get to our mission up in the Heights)! Enjoy! 

UO's Acappella Group on NYC Subway!

Joy: Hoedown Throwdown & Single Ladies

Two of the many celebrations where the Spirit was present this week were Junior Ring Day and the Jubilee Celebrations!

(Other times this week were: 9 Confirmations of our Cabrini students, great discussions with my students, visiting Villanova & finding roommates on my day off, and my parents and two of my seven siblings will be visiting tomorrow!)

Last Friday, we had the Junior Ring Day festivities.  The day starts out with the Juniors receiving their MCHS rings in a prayer service in the Shrine, followed by a boat trip down the Hudson. The Junior Ring Ceremony is one of the most work-intensive events with behind-the-scenes work of the Liturgies so far. I don't want to get into all of the specifics, but it's a lot of work. During the ceremony, I was so worried about one of my Liturgy students making a mistake, that I made one myself! I skipped through a few parts of the program, so we had to loop back and pickup the skipped parts. In the end, it turns out that not many people noticed the mistake. It was humbling, and a huge thanks goes out to Crystal, Sr. Toni, and Maureen (another teacher at the school) for all their help-- I couldn't have done it without their help, support, and advice in telling me to RELAX! :)

So Crystal and I chaperoned the Junior Boat trip that follows the prayer service. Included in the trip were food and dancing on the floor.. and Miley's "Hoedown Throwdown" was one of tracks that the students danced to. Crystal and I had never seen this dance performed, but after witnessing three of the junior students: Lukia, Jiselle, and Khadijah dance, we decided to also learn it. So we did... in the Campus Ministry Center with the help of our students and this video:

YouTube Dance Tutorial with Miley!

In other news, I came across this the other day:
 

On one hand, it's a cute commentary merging religious life and pop culture informed by the musical styling of Beyonce. On the other hand, not necessarily true. Although religious sisters, brothers, and priests are celibate, they aren't technically "single." I remember earlier this year, we were discussing Christians and Jews, and Sr. Angie piped up, "Well, my husband is a Jew!" :) We just celebrated the Jubilee's of some of the MSC's last Saturday. One member of our community, Sr. James, celebrated 50 years as a sister, along with Sr. Damien, Sr. Maria Loretta, Sr. Candida, and Sr. Aloysia! (One picture from the day is from Mary on the left.)  And Sr. Cleta celebrated 80 years of religious life! Not many people can claim to being married that long!

So here's to two beautiful examples of joy this week: Dancing with the Juniors, and Celebrating Religious Lives of the Sisters.

Joy: Rest & Relaxation!

I forgot to mention that a few weeks ago, we had our site evaluations for CMC. They consist of an evaluation of each missioner and his/her growth in ministry. :) Sr. Antonia Plata, MSC (a.k.a. Sr. Toni), who works with Crystal and I in Campus Ministry did ours. Nothing surprised me, other than I only got a 4 out of 5 for my sense of humor... ;) Well, that's true: sometimes I take myself too seriously and rush around on Liturgy days. 

One of the great things Sr. Toni said was in response to the question: "In what areas can the Missioner look to grow going forward?"  She wrote, "Michelle needs to rest and relax. She needs to say no to many things and take for herself time to enjoy and relax."

Mother Cabrini also had words of wisdom to share about this. She wrote to her sisters in 1907: "Be mindful always that we cannot give what we do not possess, and a missionary must supply herself abundantly with the oil of charity if she is to dispense it daily to those in need."  This can be interpreted in many ways: I need to accept receive love from God and others if I want to also love myself and those around me. I need to take time to "recharge my battery" and have "me time" if I am to balance ministry, community, solitude, and prayer.  Slowly, I am getting better at sticking to my needs and boundaries with my time.

So, the past two weeks, I have done the following to ensure that I am taking time for myself:

1) Cleared off the comfy chair in my room and will henceforth only use it for sitting in.  Up until now, it has been a coat rack, dresser, file cabinet, and an all-around place to dump things. Clutter does not make me relax, so if I can manage to keep my room a tad bit more tidy, I think it will help me relax.

2) Bubble baths. I'm so grateful to have a tub in my bathroom, and with some lilac bubble bath from CVS, what's not to love? 

3) Bike riding: I am taking full advantage of the bikepath on the East side that overlooks the East River. Today I even biked across the Brooklyn Bridge: so windy, but I did it!
 

4) I'm going to try and take time during the school day to visit the Shrine. Most of the time, I'll be in the Shrine when the Liturgy class meets for practice, or during the Liturgies themselves. But I would like to take more time to just "drop by" and say hello to Jesus and Mother Cabrini. We'll call it HTMC: "Hang Time with Mother C." 

5) Quality time with friends: It seems like the past few weeks have been so busy not only with mission @ the school and classes at St. Francis, but also with invites to different events, get-togethers, and send-offs. Enjoying the company of both friends, MSC sisters, and complete strangers has given me time to just BE. After all, as the adage goes: "We are human beings, not human doings."

6) Spent time walking around the street fairs with Mary and bought a Thai Iced Tea... one of my favorite things! I also brought home this: make your own Thai Iced Tea!... made some this past week and now there is a pitcher in the kitchen. It isn't the same as getting it at the street fair, but hopefully the community will take some from the fridge. (And thank you to Mary, who let me borrow her camera!)

 

7) Sleep! I wake up around 5:45 during the weekdays.  Last week, I enthusiastically proclaimed to Mary and Crystal that my goal for the week was to be in bed by 10pm on school nights. . . . Well, I miserably failed at that one.   However, with so much going on this next week (Confirmation Liturgy on Tuesday, Mid-Quarter grades due Tuesday, Trip to Philly because no school on Ascension Thursday), Fridays for Life Mass, and then parents and two siblings coming next weekend)... I decided that on Saturday night (last night), I'd go to bed at 9pm and not set an alarm. The result: I slept for 11 hours straight. Let's see if I can get some much needed REM cycles this week! 

In addition, I've also tried to tone down my need to always be the "do-er" or the "helper." As a "2," I take pride in always being prepared, in having more than my share of the work, and for lack of a better term-- being the "busy beaver" in the crowd.  Even when we were up visiting the Cap Corp Volunteers in April, I made an effort to not jump up and help with every little thing. And it was difficult! Yesterday I went to a Birthday BBQ celebration up in the BX and also tried to not be the "helper." Wow, it's hard to go against that instinct to clean and DO and change it into remaining seated and visiting-- to choose to be the Mary, and not the Martha for once. But I LOVED IT! :) I think Sr. Angie has really helped me see that this year. Many times after our community would finish eating, Sr. Angie would motion with her hand for me to stay seated. She'd say, "What's the rush? Sit down and enjoy your dessert. Don't rush." More often than not, she'd also do the familiar Italian hand motion and laughingly joke, "What's the matter for you?"

So here's to more balance and self-care for the remaining month and a half: Refilling the cup, as Mother C suggests. :)

And as for laughing at myself... Last week we had the Junior Ring Liturgy. I was so worried about one of the students missing her cue, that I ended up missing mine and so the program was out of sync with the actual course of events. Strike one. Tonight I lectored @ St. Francis, and I thought I was in the clear after pronouncing Silas, Cilicia, and all the challenging ones correctly. However, nearing the end of the passage, I definitely botched "strangled animals."Strike two. I laughed at myself on both these occasions.... NOT laughing would have been Strike three.

Joy: A Hodgepodge of resources!

For today, a few resources:


1) Other6.com: Website that asks two questions: 1) Where did you find God today? and 2) Where did you need to find God today? It was started by LoyolaPress, so yes, it's Jesuit. ;) Like Twitter, posts are limited to space, so they are short, but packed with insights and prayers.


2) I read this in American Magazine, an article called Seeding Cyberspace, about Paul & Blogging and how the Church fits into the cyber world, written by Lori Erikson.  Gina presented a workshop at the recent Cabrini Leadership Conference called eMission: What Would Mother Cabrini Tweet? And this article by Erikson reminded me of it. Erikson is a blogger at The Holy Rover. Check her out. Lots of ties with Eastern Religions, too. :)


3) If I were to make a soundtrack of this second year of being a Cabrini Mission Corps missioner, this would definitely be on it: "My Offering" by Nichole Nordeman. It's all about using the gifts we have and offering those for God and those around us. Non-comparison. Appreciation of self. Just wanting to praise God. The images in this video are a little cheesy, but nevertheless, the music is there. (I'd recommend just not looking at the video-- just listening.) "My Offering" on YouTube.com.

4) Lastly, a book that I absolutely LOVE! Holiness & the Feminine Spirit: The Art of Janet McKenzie. It is a collection of images and reflections by various writers on the art of this phenomenal and visionary artist. Contributing authors include Sisters Helen Prejean, Joan Chittister, Wendy Beckett (I want to meet her!)... and of course, Joyce Rupp.  You can browse through the book HERE. I very much connect with the images. Here is one (that I also noticed at the CYFM retreat house in Garrison, NY).  Another original painting of hers is of the Holy Family and I saw it at Ignatius of Loyola Jesuit house on 84th and Park. So, her artwork keeps popping up in my life! :)


Peace in (never out!),
-Michelle

Joy: In The Name of Jesus

 

So, this book is amazing. Found this video that was created by the 

Faith Communities Project

that is a comprehensive summary of Nouwen's main points. 

CLICK HERE!

That's our guy! 

Henri Nouwen: 1932-1996

Joy: Faith Journeys of the Juniors!

At the beginning of the school year, I had my junior Church History students reflect on their own journeys of faith. We used an exercise that Cabrini Mission Corps and Good Shepherd Volunteers had done during an orientation exercise.

First, we folded our papers into six equal parts. Within each section, I asked students to draw or explain an event or person who had greatly influenced their relationship with God, who they are today, or how they see the world. If they felt comfortable, they shared their reflection with the class.

I rotate one of the bulletin boards in my classroom with the Church History creative projects and papers. Below is a picture taken earlier this year by Gina Scarpello, our CMC director, when she came for a site visit in the fall. (Thanks, Gina!) You can see the Faith Journeys that some students wanted posted. After a month, these were taken down and a new assignment took their place on the board. I have kept all of the creative projects throughout the year with the idea to return them at the end of the academic year.

Now, 6 months after this project, I have begun to sort through all of the creative work and form portfolio’s.  I am still amazed at the depth, maturity, and insight contained in many of their assignments.  Yet, they are still 16-17 year olds, after all, so the honesty and openness is so clear – I love it. Within the paragraphs of jumbled syntax and spelling errors; among the drawings of stick figures, I see glimpses of free, questioning, powerful, loving, wise, imaginative, mistake-making, and vulnerable individuals who are all of these things and more.  The freedom with which they share their lives below-the-surface reminds me that among all the appearances, there are treasures for those who take the time to BE PRESENT to others, ourselves, and God.

I’m reading Henri Nouwen’s Gracias! that Mary has let me borrow. I feel that this passage pretty much says what I mean to say: “True missioners are people who are hunting for the Divine treasure hidden in the heart of the people to whom they want to make the Good News known.  They always expect to see the beauty and truth of God shining through those with whom they live and work.  The great paradox of ministry, therefore, is that we minister above all with our weakness, a weakness that invites us to receive from those to whom we go.” (19) I read that a few days ago, and instantly these assignments came to mind. So, I was moved to share them and that is one reason why Mary and I are up blogging in the community room at 2am on a Saturday evening/Sunday morning. :)

Here are two close-ups of two of the Faith Journeys. Beautiful-- They speak for themselves. 

Because of what this student below wrote in the lower left-hand corner, I wrote a quote next to her grade on the back. It was shared by Gina on one of our retreats, and it goes: “God is too busy loving you to be disappointed in you!” 

**And a HUGE Thank You to Mary, who let me borrow her camera!**

Peace,

-Michelle