The JOY of being a Cracked Pot

A few weeks ago, I changed the background of my blog to the beautiful clay pots that you see.  Reason being, I've been meaning to share this story for a while. I originally heard it my first year as a missioner at the CMC Comissioning Mass with Fr. Michael Bielecki, OSA.  That first year (as well as the second), we used it at the high school as a meditation and guide for the first-year retreat and even had an activity where the students took pieces of pre-broken pots (with one piece missing and one blank) and wrote parts of their journeys and stories on the pieces to symbolize their lives. They then -- very patiently! -- reconstructed the pots and we used them as votive candle holders.

I think every time I read the story, something new hits me-- it's like within its playful simplicity lies an honesty that is surprisingly appropriate to many a situation. I hope it has a message for you in the space you find yourself today.

In addition, one of my favorite musical artists is Jon McLaughlin. He has a powerful song called "Smack Into You." It is a love song-- but I like to think that practically every love song can be seen through the lens of our pursuit of God or God's pursuit of us.  So, if you'd like, listen to the song while reflecting on the story.  A YouTube recording can be found here: "Smack Into You." -JM

The Cracked Pot

- Author Unknown 

A water bearer in the Philippines had two large pots. Each hung on one end of a pole, which she carried across her shoulders. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house.  The cracked pot, on the other hand, arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to her master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishment, being perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.

“I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.”

“Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed of?”

“I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts,” the pot said. "I'm embarrassed."

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in her compassion she said, “As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.”

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wildflowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt terribly insecure because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.”


Each of us has our own unique “flaws.” We're all cracked pots. But if we allow it, God will use our flaws to grace the table. As God calls you to the tasks He has appointed for you, don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and allow God to take advantage of them, and you, too, can bring beauty to the pathway.
             
                                                               *      *      *

One of the things I love about this story is that it speaks to many of the questions that I ask myself as well as the negative self-talk that can create (as the desert mothers and fathers would say), a "great cloud of confusion" in our over-analyzing minds. Some include: Am I good enough? Why do I magnify my flaws and downplay my talents? Why am I so overly-apologetic?  But perhaps the one that gets me EVERY TIME is the role that comparison plays in the mind of the cracked pot.  I struggle so much with this, and I'd wager that it's more common than not.  Comparisons can be crippling. They can have the terrible effects of idealizing others and self-rejection.  In order to avoid this, "acknowledge your limitations, but claim your unique gifts and thereby live as an equal among equals." -HN 

The reason I included this song is because both the song and story convey an incredible sense of belonging; coming as you are; and an awareness and embrace of one's journey, wounds, and vulnerabilities that is so crucial to recognizing ourselves as God's beloved ones. That, along with the lyrics of "love is right in my path, in my grasp// and me and you belong// and I want to run smack into you" is just SO CLEAR to me: running to that place of belonging, that place of solitude and embrace, that place of acceptance for all that we are- nothing more and nothing less- is found within staking our identity as children of God.  Plus, Paul would really like the image of running (See Hebrews 12:1).

Another thing I find of note about this story is that the way it is narrated automatically asks the listener or reader to see him or herself in the place of the cracked pot. Naturally, this makes for deep personal reflection and insight.  After we think and pray over that image, however: 
                         What if we switch our attention to the image 
                                  of the water bearer? 

How are we called to go from recognizing ourselves in the cracked pot and then moved to action in the person of the water bearer? What does she have to teach us? Not only did she recognize how the "flaw" had the potential to be GIFT, but she ACTED upon it. Furthermore, she illustrates a NON-COMPETITIVE NATURE and say that the broken pot was therefore better than the full one--  without saying it, she implied that the different gifts were BOTH of different value, yet still needed for the master. BOOM. There you have it: the Mystical Body of Christ and the value of Many Spiritual Gifts (See 1 Corinthians 12).  Another thing that the water bearer embodies is PATIENCE: for two years she prepared and silently waited for the gift of the cracked pot to recognize its gift. It needed to be unearthed in the same way that understanding ourselves and the way we were created to be comes through time and patience.

In conclusion, I couldn't help but realize that this story talks about solitude, community, and ministry. The movement from claiming our "broken pot-ness" in solitude with our Creator moves us to complete the community and then act in our own ministries.  Wow, I'm starting to think all my posts always go back to Nouwen. This article really has colored my life (Thanks, Gina!): Moving from Solitude To Community To Ministry

Peace to you and your families!
-Mish

Image from: http://anandyatri.com/?p=274

Joy: Vocation Part II

Hi, Everyone!   I've been forwarding this around ever since it was forwarded to me, but I somehow failed to post it here! Enjoy this "Part II" of a previous blog entry on vocation... Part I is found here: Joy: Vocation Lies in Relationship

Peace to you and your families this Advent and Christmas season!
-Michelle

Joy: Life is an Opportunity...

Because this is too long for Twitter: 

"Life is a God-given opportunity to become who we are, to affirm our own true spiritual nature, claim our truth, appropriate and to integrate the reality of our being, but most of all, to say 'Yes' to the One who calls us the Beloved." -Henri

Joy: Gaudete Sunday, Joy Sunday!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again, rejoice!" -Philippians 4:4.

Gaudete Sunday Mass is one of my favorite liturgical celebrations all year! Clearly, because of the ties with Joy, and the pink/rose liturgical color, and the fact that it's during my favorite season of Advent, but also because I feel like I always am given a new insight of some sort during this week. So let's see what we discover today and this week.

The quote above is not today's responsorial psalm, but it nevertheless clearly embodies the message of joy.  The call to rejoice and verses following this urging (verses 4-8, NAB) are:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again, rejoice!

Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near.

Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, 

make your requests known to God.

Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your 

hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

It seems to follow, then, that joy for Paul (and the members of the Church in Philippi) is a kind of joy that is complete because of kindness that is visible to everyone.  They rejoice because the Lord is near (although their understanding of "near" was more of an eschatological "near"-- Paul believed that the Second Coming was imminent-- it was coming ANY DAY!).  The joy they embody has no room for anxieties.  He instructs them to pray with petition and thanksgiving so that the peace of God will be bestowed on them.  Why do I love this? A few reasons: first of all, Paul stresses thanksgiving as part of rejoicing.  Secondly, because it shows how important reflection is to fully receive the gift of joy.  

Thanksgiving: Countless times in the Scriptures, Jesus prays to the Father in thanksgiving: after the raising of Lazarus in the Gospel of John and the multiplication of the loaves in Mark, for example.  Thanksgiving is the vocal response to a gift.  Having a joyful attitude of abundance includes living a life in which gifts are recognized as gifts-- that all is seen as gift.  Christ came so that humans “might have life and have it more abundantly.”  It should be no surprise, then, that the very word Catholics use for the Sacrament of the Altar is eucharist, thanksgiving—Jesus freely offers himself as sacrifice, and the only appropriate response is gratitude. Jesus does not insist on this childlike ‘say please’, ‘say thank you’, because otherwise the gifts would be refused, but in order that they may be recognized as gifts. Michael Downey writes that " all that I am and all that I have is first and finally gift.  Prayer is a way of living with, in, and from that gift."  Living within a spirit of thanksgiving induces joy because how else can we respond to gifts, but with an attitude of joy and appreciation?

Reflection: Joy is an equal-opportunity gift and virtue: introverts and extroverts get pieces of this pie. Although many times when I think of joy, I think of an extroverted zeal for life, I am reminded by this passage that joy also holds a highly reflective message. Joy is not only happiness or giddiness, which are more superficial, but joy is a deeply rooted way of being. A way o living in childlike expectation of things that "we could never have asked for or imagined." And there is an element of reflection in that. Perhaps this is why the Willowtree People statue "Joy" looks like this:

Yep. She looks like she is thinking about "these things" -- the true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and gracious things that Paul speaks of.... and I'd also take a gander that she's also contemplating the beautiful. So, as we wait in joyful hope this Advent, let's not forget that joy an thanksgiving go hand-in-hand and that reflection is needed both in our interior hearts and our outward actions.

So Happy Gaudete Sunday and Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe! :) Awesome.

On a totally separate note, I found this amazing blog, run by a sister-- Sister Mary Martha, in fact. I love how she writes with humor, wit, and loving insights. Here's one from way back in 2007 about the Sisters in Habit Situation: Ask Sister Mary Martha  Enjoy! 

Peace,

-Michelle

(And yes, I borrowed the great Advent wreath graphic from Villanova's Office of Mission and Ministry website. Thank you, Chris Janosik. He does a great job with the website!)

Joy: Advent Reflections!

Happy First Week of Advent!

Click for VU Reflections on the Mission & Ministry Website 

Each year, members of the Villanova community collaborate to create a reflection book. This is my reflection for today's readings. Thanks to the VU community for inviting me to share!

First Tuesday in Advent - November 30th

Readings: Is 11:1-10, Ps: 19:8-11, Lk 10:21-24

Today’s Gospel reading begins with an emotional Jesus—he is rejoicing! And not only is he rejoicing, but rejoicing in the Holy Spirit! Why on earth is he so happy? To answer this question, we must rewind to verse twenty. There, Jesus directs the seventy-two to “rejoice because your names are written in heaven.”

Luke’s Jesus does not speak to the seventy-two as separate individuals. If he had intended to do this, he would have said “rejoice because your name is written in heaven.” Instead, he challenges them to affirm their belovedness because all their names are precious to the Father. Be filled with joy, Jesus tells us, because God will not forget his children.

Verse twenty-two continues with this aspect of joy because Jesus talks about the intimate relationship with himself and the Father: “All things have been handed over to me by my Father.” As the beloved son, Jesus opens the door for us to recognize how we also are chosen and claimed by our Creator.

This passage reveals something about the nature of joy—it is meant to be recognized and affirmed in the lives of those around us. We complete our joy by celebrating the love of God for others. Jesus sets an example of rejoicing in the generosity of God’s ardent love for us and urges us to also experience this level of joy.

Words like gift, gratitude, and generosity are commonplace during this time of post-Thanksgiving and the beginning of the Advent season. Let us take a moment and rejoice in at least three people in our lives today who have revealed to us our own belovedness. This Advent let us keep in our hearts and minds this idea of shared joy: of rejoicing in the giftedness and uniqueness of those around us. This goes deeper than giving kudos and compliments—it is a deep reverence for each individual as a human person and God’s beloved.

Michelle Sherman
Graduate Student in Theology & Lay Ministry - Class of 2012



Also, click the "Online Advent Experience" to the right of this blog for more Advent resources from the Jesuits.

Peace & Joy,

-Michelle

Praying with Refugees Online Retreat!

The 30-Day Praying with Refugees Online Retreat begins November 1st! Sponsored by the Jesuit Refugee Service, the Online Retreat is an opportunity to join with refugees and misplaced persons in prayer through the tradition of the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises. It is available in four languages. Please join us in prayer.

Mother Cabrini, patroness of immigrants, Pray for us!

CLICK HERE for Reflections for Week One

Peace Within New Beginnings Reflection

Last night, I had the distinct pleasure of Skype-ing with Gina, Mary, and Clare.  They're at the Mission Conference in Albuquerque, NM, and asked why this reflection had not been posted online yet. :) Clare had shared it with her missioners in South America after my classmate Megan had forwarded it to her. So here it is! I wrote it while remembering Salsa dancing nights in NYC with Mary and Crys!  :)  The reflection is one that I shared at our Opening Prayer Service for the graduate students in the Theology program at Villanova.  I, along with a second year named Rachel (who is also from St. Louis!), shared reflections on the  Scripture Reading (Revelations 21:1-5) and our theme of "Peace Within New Beginnings."

Opening Prayer Service

Peace Within New Beginnings Reflection

2 September 2010

Michelle Sherman: First Year Student

“Behold, God’s dwelling is with the human race.  He will dwell with them and they will be his people and God himself will always be with them as their God.”

When I read this particular this verse, themes that spoke to me were community, peace, call, and salsa dancing… ultimately, peace within new communities.  And here’s why.

Have you ever tried to salsa dance with yourself? … I admit that I have (when learning from YouTube video’s), and it is not fun—in fact, it is the opposite of fun! We need each other. In this verse, the writer emphasizes the community: “He will dwell with THEM and THEY will be his people and God himself will always be with THEM as their God.” This intimate dwelling-space, therefore, is not in isolation, but within community. As Dorothy Day stressed, “We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.”

In regard to salsa dancing: every now and then, there will be a dance partner that just “clicks.” Movement is easy and natural with all the right flair and perfect timing. One leads and lets the follower know what is coming next, while the follower trusts: perfect teamwork. Likewise, some communities naturally gel together: the personality types compliment each other, values are shared or are highly respected in their differences, openness abounds, and working styles flow together – the stars align and all is right with the world.  This mostly happens in an ideal world, which is to say, not very often.

More often than not; however, dancing includes an almost socially awkward phase of adjusting to your partner.  One partner’s stride is longer, this one is dancing On Two (New York style) instead of the more common On One, or so-and-so throws in a Cuban move and I have no idea what is going on.  But as long as I’m open to making mistakes and learning within the stumbling and stepping on toes, we’ll be alright in the end and learn much in the process.  In the same way, new spaces with new people require openness to that awkward transition period: recognizing our own unique perceptions and background experiences and honoring the “otherness” of different traditions, practices, and ways of thought.  We must ask: What keeps the communion of saints in communion with each other? It is not the same degree of “liberalism,” “conservativism,” or “moderation.” I recently read a poem from Thomas Aquinas where he states the answer to this question: “First, we need to know that we are all madly in love with the same God.”   Let us remember that there grace within all situations: even the sticky ones that make us uncomfortable – that’s the Spirit moving us to grow!

Peace within the transitions and awkward stages of adjustment is possible, especially when seen through the lens of call. Out of all the graduate programs in the country, for theology, religious studies, and/or ministry… we came here. We’ve been called. This is in no way saying that we are better than those called to other institutions, but a simple affirmation of our journey.  So let us above all be gentle with ourselves.  In these experiences of dancing, as with building a new community, patience and a sense of humor greatly assist the transitions for us as the birth of a new community takes shape. 

So let us remember that in this new community—we trust that we are right where we need to be, those around us have much to teach us—especially the hospitable and knowledgeable second-year students, and as the ultimate salsa dance partner God leads and “goes before us always.” Remember that, as Henri Nouwen wrote: “In everything, keep trusting that God is with you, and that God has given you companions on your journey.” 

Joy: Therese &Tears

Went to the 12:05 Mass in Corr Chapel today. I love that chapel. Although the wood chairs are far from comfortable and it's always cold, I appreciate the simplicity and the centrally located altar.  Before today's Liturgy, Br. Mike asked if I would be open to reading (which I was). Today was not the greatest of days, emotionally speaking, though, and I felt myself faltering during the Responsorial Psalm. Fr. Laird presided, and I am always moved dangerously close to tears during his homilies-- except today, when the floodgates were opened! He spoke of Therese finding peace and God's presence in the mundane, Mother Theresa's dark night of the soul that lasted for 49 years, and a friend of his who is a Baptist Minister and is currently struggling with breast cancer. 

Cue tears. For the rest of the celebration, I was taking deep breaths (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 8, exhale for 4 seconds... just like Crys and Mary and I learned in the "Relax, Let Go, Release, & Surrender" Workshop!), doing the subtle tear-brush, and wondering why I left my tissues in my backpack (which was all the way in the vestibule of the chapel).

After Mass, I said a quick hello to a few people, as I desperately needed to get some air and some Kleenex STAT! I ran into my office that is in the same building as the chapel to grab a file and then stepped back outside, where a fellow Theology student asked how I was. Invitation to a conversation? Sometimes that's all I need. Everything from feeling overwhelmed, to my Mother's medical condition, to guilt, to missing community living, to mourning the loss of a Villanova student this past week, to transitioning came out. Processing sesh? Oh yeah.

Which lead me later to reflect on how much listening and sharing is part of The Little Way: Attentive to the surroundings and finding the whispers of the Spirit in those opportunities for conversations. Just like in this previously posted blog entry. (http://ledbyjoy.blogspot.com/2010/08/joy-paying-attention.html)

“Each prayer is more beautiful than the others. I cannot recite them all and not knowing which to choose, I do like children who do not know how to read, I say very simply to God what I wish to say, without composing beautiful sentences, and He always understands me. For me, prayer is an aspiration of the heart, it is a simple glance directed to heaven, it is something great, supernatural, which expands my soul and unites me to Jesus.”

  ~ Therese of Lisieux

Joy: Anthony de Mello, Conversations, and Attitudes of Abundance

Tony de Mello, SJ says: 

"As you identify less and less with the "me", you will be more at ease with everybody and with everything. Do you know why? Because you are no longer afraid of being hurt or not liked. You no longer desire to impress anyone. Can you imagine the relief when you don't have to impress anybody anymore? Oh, what a relief. Happiness at last!" 

Easier said than done, for sure.  And perhaps it is especially difficult for us raised with the Western idea of self, and Americans in general.  I remember going to a speaker who said that the top-selling magazines in America in the 90's went from People to Us to Self.  So identifying less and less with the "me" can surely be a struggle-- which we can address and overcome in many ways: reflection, service ("The greatest way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service to others." -Ghandi), and being mindful of our connectedness and inter-dependency with others. (Reading Rahner for my Foundations class and last night's portion included "Man as Dependent.") Anyway, the lost art of conversation as a tool to identify with our connectedness has been on my mind recently.


Conversations with others has been especially fruitful for me the past two weeks. I found myself completely mesmerized by sharing and openness during one, that I even missed the 12:05 Mass in Corr Chapel @ Villanova-- but I don't think Jesus minded. We were talking about him, anyway-- and "where two or more are gathered...."  :)  


Conversations in my check-out line of Trader Joe's are of particular delight to me.  Some are hysterically funny: for example, the customer who taught her son how the Fox Trot while waiting for the person in front of her to pay via credit card.  As I was scanning and bagging their groceries, we talked about the Charleston and even had an impromptu session on Salsa and my passionate love for Bachata.  So good. During my first day on the register, a customer grabbed my arm while I was scanning her garbanzo beans, and said, "I'm sorry-- but you are so beautiful! And so happy!" I laughed and replied: "I just have a lot to be happy about." She responded, "That's beautiful-- you have so much to be happy about." I wish I could have engaged in a longer conversation, but during my break, I reflected that I hope I didn't come off as being arrogant, but really, in an attempt to live with an attitude of abundance and gratitude, I try (but still sometimes fail) to see and trust that all will be well (kudos to my girl Julian of Norwich). 


Because in an attitude of abundance, we come to the realization that whatever comes our way are opportunities to love. Jesus came that we may have life, and have it in abundance. (John 10:10. Word.)  And by resting in this truth of being the children of the Lord, we identify less with the "me" and more with the Christ who increases within us (John 3:30).

I love this image of de Mello because of his joy-- not just the smile, but you can tell he is someone who--at the moment this image was captured-- does not feel the need to impress. He is simply himself: free, happy, madly in love with his Creator.

Well played, Tony. Well played.  

Peace,
-Michelle

Joy: Giving Affirmation

Note to the Reader: So believe it or not, this blog entry started out as a reflection on being socially awkward... complete with a diagram of the "Awkward Turtle" hand motion... but the more I wrote, the more this came about... so the reflection on social awkwardness will have to wait. ;)


If I have found my joy (my full joy) in the Lord, then I do not need to cling to the affirmation or appreciation or gratitude of others.  I only need to share with them the Joy I have found – and to rejoice in their finding it also. - Fr. Thomas Green, SJ

Affirmation is in itself not a bad thing-- it's a pretty fabulous thing! We yearn for affirmation at a social and interpersonal level: it validates the affirmed and allows those giving the affirmation to grow in attentiveness and gratitude.  The problem is that I've recognized in myself the craving for affirmation -- especially in the midst of transition: new city, new life shift back to student, new living situation from community to roommates, two new jobs, new demographic of peers, new sports teams to cheer for (haha!)... But for real: With all these changes, I find myself clinging to any positive reinforcement like my life depends on it.

I think Henri Nouwen and I would be good friends. He struggled with this as well. I remember reading somewhere that after he died, L'Arche founder Jean Vanier said that Henri Nouwen was "incredibly beautiful, incredibly intelligent, incredibly kind, incredibly good... and incredibly needy. He had all this excess in him.... He gave out so much, his need was so great and we couldn't always fulfill his needs." Yes, I think Henri [pronounced "Onri"] and I would have lots to talk about being God's beloved and finding our identity in that space.

Henri with Peter Rotterman.

So as a "2" on the Enneagram Personality Test, I often find myself needing the affirmation of others-- it's just how we roll. If I don't receive a word of thanks or affirmation, I'll wonder: What did I do wrong? What wasn't good enough? I really messed up that one. Fr. Martin Laird, OSA (the professor who teaches my Spirituality of the Desert Mothers and Fathers course here at Villanova) calls this tendencies "mind tripping." We trip over our constant chatter and self-critical thoughts-- these are not of the Spirit. In fact, I think Henri had some thoughts in talking of blaming ourselves-- it leads us to idealize others and become wrapped up in a cycle of self-rejecting thoughts.  He writes:

Self-blame is not a form of humility.  It is a form of self-rejection in which you ignore or deny your own goodness and beauty.

Every time you reject yourself, you idealize others. You want to be with those whom you consider better, stronger, more intelligent, more gifted than yourself. Thus you make yourself emotionally dependent, leading others to feel unable to fulfill your expectations and causing them to withdraw from you. This makes you blame yourself even more, and you enter a dangerous spiral of self-rejection and neediness.

Avoid all forms of self-rejection. Acknowledge your limitations, but claim your unique gifts and thereby live as an equal among equals. That will set you free from your obsessive and possessive needs and enable you to give and receive true affection and friendship.

This drive for affirmation, I feel, has led me in the past to spaces where I adjusted myself to an expectation in order to fulfill that need.  So when I attach myself too firmly to the positive feedback, I've noticed that I will sometimes adjust the way I present myself to conform to what is expected.  For example, while discerning religious life, I'd receive so much affirmation from lay, religious, and ordained people that I suppose part of me felt that I was drawn in that direction simply because of a sudden interest that was sparked in other people when they heard I may be a religious sister.  It was like I was just Michelle-- but then when someone would hear I was open to religious life and discerning, it was like, "OH! This is MICHELLE-- the one who is discerning! And oh, isn't that wonderful?" Looking back, I  clearly doubt that the interest they showed was the greatest affirmation in my journey, but I know that it kept me thinking it was what others and God wanted.  I'm still open, but as of now, I don't feel called to discern-- big distinction there that another blog entry will address. But back to affirmation...


Also, affirmation through physical contact is something I am missing with the intensity of a thousand burning suns! I can't stand it. In CMC, we'd give hugs-- all the time! Dancing together, grabbing arms while telling a story to emphasize points, hugs during the sign of peace, hugs after coming back from the mission sites and being reunited after dinner, backrubs after a long day....  

We even stood incredibly close to each other. Hm. :)

The idea of just being held by others and God is just wonderful. Yesterday at Mass, I forgot that most people don't hug during the sign of peace and went to hug a colleague. It ended up being a half-handshake/half-hug/advance catastrophe that was a remarkable example of physical awkwardness. Oh well. 


So why blog about this hodgepodge reflection on affirmation in my life right now? Honestly, I have no idea. It's just been on my mind for a while, and so this is very much a blog entry of "this is me." Boom. All my cards, on the table.  So this week, I'm challenging myself to give more affirmation than I'm receiving. And real affirmation, not just compliments on clothing (although we do love getting compliments on how the color of our clothes sets off our eyes too!)-- but more along the lines of voicing appreciation of those in my life. And hugs. Yeah-- Mission Affirmation. Let's do this!

Affirming myself takes time, meeting God in that space within me where I can just be God's, and returning to that space daily.  Like walking a labyrinth. (I love this picture-- cheesy and purple. I have a feeling Crys will love it too. ;))

And now, a closing with more on the Jesuit who I began this entry with and who Gina recommended to me: Insight into Fr. Green 

“The better, good times are there to teach us the joy of loving; the worse happens to teach us to love truly.”  -Fr. Thomas Green, SJ

Joy: "Ministerial Identity"

Every Tuesday, the Pastoral Ministry students at Villanova gather in a circle of couches and comfy chairs for one hour. This time of discussion is so fruitful and listening to the Campus Ministry Interns and the other three students is so enlightening. Joyce, our professor, will sometimes speak of her experience of a lay woman working at the parish level, going back to school for her MDiv, and working in her various ministries at the time when lay ecclesial ministers were in the post-Vatican II creative space of brand new beginnings in the Church.  We were assigned to read Michael Downey's Ministerial Identity: A Question of Common Foundations for our Pastoral Ministry class this week.  So good.  This is a paragraph from the portion speaking of the importance of prayer [bold emphasis added]:

"A baptismal spirituality is a whole way of life wherein we learn to lean into the Word of God, to find a lamp unto our feet, so that we can behold the gift that is always and everywhere being offered.  

It is a whole way of life by which we become a living doxology, so that all we say and do becomes an act of praise to the Father, through Christ, by the presence and power of the Holy Spirit given in baptism.  

This is consecrated living.  Prayerful living.  

A way of being held in the knowledge that all that I am and all that I have is first and finally gift.  

Prayer is a way of living with, in, and from that gift.  All the time.  

Ministry that springs from any other motive other than this is misguided."

You are gift. All the time.

Joy: Paying Attention! :)

 "The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention." -Julie Cameron

One gift Crystal gave Mary and I before we parted ways in June was a Gratitude journal. It's a book with blank pages for writing, but on every other page is a quote about thankfulness. Crystal took markers and wrote on some of the pages about what she was grateful for this year-- so beautiful!

I was flipping through the book today, and came across this quote. Also today, someone forwarded this YouTube video to me. Click to watch:  Pay Attention. :)

Not only did I learn what a carillon is, I also was watching the people as they were walking/sitting/going about their normal day and getting to where they needed to go. Some would stop, laugh, look up at the bell tower, and then keep walking; some would laugh to themselves, glance up, yet keep walking; and others made no outward signs that they recognized Lady Gaga's song coming from the carillon. But one thing is for sure: For those that were attentive to their surroundings, they sure were DELIGHTED! :)

Be present. Stop and smell the roses. Slow down. Relax. Pay attention to what your body is telling you. All these are things I need to remember as the busy school year starts up. I usually do a good job of being present, but this served as an amusing reminder, when paired with the wisdom from the Gratitude Journal. :)

And Happy Feast Day of St. Augustine!

Peace,
-Michelle

Joy: Love Poems From God!

That's right. Love Poems from God. Read it. Even if you don't like poetry (or think you don't like poetry), read it. I feel like I'm one of those kids on "Reading Rainbow" who smiled at the camera and said, "If you like such-and-such a book, then you'll LOVE this one..." Because it's THAT good!

Recently, I've been *somewhat* obsessed with the following people, largely due to this book: Rumi, St. Francis of Assisi, Hafiz, Kabir, St. Teresa of Avila, Tukaram, Sr. Catherine of Siena, Mira, St. Thomas Aquinas, Rabia, Meister Eckhart, and St. John of the Cross. This book brings together a bouquet of poetry written by these people. Up until now, I had no idea that St. Thomas Aquinas wrote poetry.  Who knew?! Amazing. 

So, thanks to my generous and loving friend Christina, who has lent me this book since July, I have been starting my mornings with a lit candle, and a few poems from the East and West. I also recently read "Praying Your Experiences" by Br. Joseph Schmidt, and he says, "Pray as you can, not as you can't." I've found that praying poetry in the morning puts me in SUCH A GREAT MOOD! I am so happy as I get out of bed, blow out my candle, and head off to breakfast with verses like "God and I will forever cherish Myself" from Rabia in my subconscious. 

Below are just a sampling of my favorite little golden nuggets. Enjoy!   

"God Would Kneel Down" ~ St. Francis of Assisi

I think God might be a little prejudiced.

For once He asked me to join Him on a walk through this world,

and we gazed into every heart on this earth,

and I noticed He lingered a bit longer 

before any face that was 

weeping,

and before any eyes that were 

laughing.

And sometimes when we passed 

a soul in worship

God too would kneel 

down.

I have come to learn: God 

adores his 

creation.

* * * * * 

"And Help Him Comfort" ~Mira

God has

a special interest in women

for they can lift this world to their breast

and help Him 

comfort.

* * * * *

"Each Soul Completes Me" ~Hafiz

My 

Beloved said,

"My name is not complete without yours."

I thought:

How could a human's worth ever be such?

And God knowing all our thoughts--and all our

thoughts are innocent steps on the path-- 

then addressed my heart,

God revealed a sublime truth to the world,

when He sang,

"I am made whole by your life. Each soul,

each soul completes 

me."

Peace, 

-Michelle

Joy: Trusting in the Catcher

This reflection speaks for itself... beautiful for those in transitions and the uncomfortable spaces of new beginnings. See also: Luke 8:50 & Mark 5:36. :) 


An excerpt from "Our Greatest Gift: A Meditation On Dying and Caring"

     ~By Henri J.M. Nouwen

One day, I was sitting with Rodleigh, the leader of the [performing arts] troupe, in his caravan, talking about flying [on the trapeze]. He said, "As a flyer, I must have complete trust in my catcher.  The public might think that I am the greatest star of the trapeze, but the real star is Joe, my catcher.  He has to be there for me with split-second precision and grab me out of the air as I come to him in the long jump."

"How does it work?" I asked.

"The secret," Rodleigh said, "is that the flyer does nothing and the catcher does everything: When I fly to Joe, I have simply to stretch out my arms and hands and wait for him to catch me and pull me safely over the apron behind the catchbar."

"You do nothing?" I said, surprised.

"Nothing," Rodleigh repeated. "A flyer must fly, and a catcher must catch, and the flyer must trust, with outstretched arms, that his catcher will be there for him."

When Rodleigh said this with so much conviction, the words of Jesus flashed through my mind: "Father, into your hands I commend my Spirit." Dying is trusting in the catcher.  To care for the dying is to say, "Don't be afraid. Remember that you are the beloved child of God.  He will be there when you make your long jump.  Don't try to grab him; he will grab you. Just stretch out your arms and hands and trust, trust, trust."

For Further Reading: http://www.catholic.org/national/national_story.php?id=31946

Joy: Faith & Funds @ Wachovia

So check it: I'm from St. Louis and therefore am a faithful client of the First National Bank of St. Louis. In my past home of New York, Chase Bank is on every block. Here in Philly, it's Wachovia that's famous. So yesterday one of the items on my "To Do" list was a bullet point with "Open Wachovia account."

I walked into the bank, thinking I'd be there for 10 minutes... little did I know the Lord had something else in mind. I was introduced to one of the personal bankers, a middle-aged man who had a picture of his wife and two daughters on his desk. After the pleasantries of "good afternoon" and "how are you?" were exchanged, and I brought out my Missouri driver's license, he asked what brought me to Philadelphia. I told him about Villanova's Theology and Ministry program, and then he slowly said, "So... you are a ....God person."

Not really sure how to respond, I think I laughed and said something like, "You could say that, I suppose." He then asked, "So, how do you explain suffering in the world? How could a loving God allow such things to happen?" Hm. Not exactly the kind of discussion I had in mind for an escapade in the world of checking accounts and online banking.  But, disponibilita, right? :) Go with it.

For the next hour and a half, our conversation ranged from his experience being raised in the Jewish faith (that he has now abandoned), the nature of free will, faith-based dietary restrictions, creationism and evolutionism (as not necessarily mutually exclusive) & both accounts of the Creation Story in Genesis, the Spirit of the Law (with comments from Paul & the Dali Lama!), liturgical rituals, the importance of relationship, and all things in between. I also remembered the two truths common in all religions and this would make my Religion 101 teacher proud: 1) Religions develop historically and 2) There is diversity in all religions. These helped immensely. Somehow, simply listing the topics doesn't adequately convey the amount of agression in his questions, nor the quality of those questions. All his questions (as probing or as accusatory as they were) were really good ones that I think any spiritually mature individual would face in his/her journey. He also commented on how young I was to think I know what life's all about (which I didn't appreciate-- age-ism, right there), but I did take that point to heart: I do have much to learn and wisdom does come from experience.  So he helped me, too. In the end (God knows how!), we got around to opening a checking and savings account. Welcome to Philadelphia-- I'm official.  

Here's what I'd like to say, though-- God gives you what you need when you need it, that is for certain-- and at that meeting at one of the many Wachovia's on Lancaster Ave, God delivered. What was amazing to me was that in previous conversations I had about matters like this with complete strangers, I would often feel targeted and attacked. However, this time, even though some questions were purposely meant to be agressive, as I sensed anger from his tone, I had a sense of peace, composure, and light-heartedness in my responses and musings. About 45 minutes into it, I realized, "Hey! As serious as these questions are, I'm having a good time!"  God provided the openness and calmness in this experience. But perhaps most of all, God provided the opportunity for me to slow down from my busy list of "To Do's" and get in touch with what really matters: working through the tough questions IN COMMUNITY with others-- even complete strangers named Hal.

Joy: 3 Weeks with the Fam

So... after One week of camping in Missouri, One week of visiting my Godmother and cousin up by Lake Superior in Wisconsin, One week of relaxing at home...

Here are a few things that I was reminded of during my time with my family.  I have 7 brothers and sisters (so I'm the second-oldest of eight) and being so far away from them for 6 years has made me feel incredibly distant at times, but when I am home, I eat it up! :) I was especially reminded of them when my best friend from college, Liz, came to visit. She would comment on the things our family did and it made me pause and say, "Yeah. I really like that, too. Thanks for reminding me." :)

1) My mom is so funny. And I mean SUPER HYSTERICAL! The way she tells stories and recounts seemingly simple episodes, complete with accents, motions, and suspenseful pauses is simply amazing. I've missed that. With all the medical problems she's had this year, it's really something that she brings her unique sense of humor to share with those around her.

2) My parents are really affectionate towards each other. People will often tell me how cute it is that they always hold hands, go on walks after dinner, and hug--I guess growing up, I always just thought all parents were like that, so I didn't pay much attention to it. But it's so true! :) And I love it! Even more than the physical contact,  I love the times when they are talking, and you can just tell that whatever the other is saying is THE most important thing for the other. They're really examples of GOOD LISTENERS! 

3) Praying together as a family. I admit it-- growing up, I often wouldn't enjoy praying the family rosary. We would pray it every day as a family, either after dinner or in the car if we had someplace to go that day.  As a kid, it seemed so gosh-darn LOOOONNNNGGGG! (In contrast, I loved when we did the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, because that went so FAST!)  I think I've really missed that.  There is something really special about a family lifestyle that is intentional about putting aside time for prayer together, even if it is not always appreciated. 

4) Eating together. This is one thing that Liz brought to my attention. She had said that she enjoyed eating with my family because people would come in from work, and everyone would share about their day. I guess I always took this for granted.

5)  The amount of stress that my mom places on wellness, recycling, buying local grocery items, using less (especially water and electricity!), and health foods ("Don't even THINK of bringing high fructose corn syrup, MSG, nitrates, aspartame, or hydrogenated oils into this house!").  There's that saying that goes, "Live simply so that others may simply live."-- my mom really embodies this.  

6) My dad's many small sacrifices are ways of showing that he loves us. He barely ever buys things for himself. He flies planes for a commercial airline, and as part of the job, pilots are given a Per Diem stipend while on trips. Instead of using the money for food, he'll save it. When he is at home, he'll take so much time with us, teaching us how to change oil in the cars, work the embroidery machine, start up bank accounts, critiquing Stephen's violin playing, packing bikes, giving directions, etc... there really is no end to this list. There will be days when it's clear that he's exhausted, but he'll still take time to play cards with us or sit on the porch and enjoy a beer-- with those of us that are old enough :). 

7) My brothers joking with each other-- it's like watching a reality TV show. Really, all four of them have completely different interests and personalities. It's kinda like Big Brother meets The Partridge Family meets Friends meets MadTV. Yeah.

So here's to appreciating family, and me trying to do a better job of it. :)

  Family Picture taken many moons ago... 5 years ago(?)
(This was the summer I had purple highlights in my hair... don't ask.)